Julie was not born in a hospital. There were no contractions, no pushing, and no C-section. Julie was born simply in my head. In the beginning, she was a small cluster of images and single words in my imagination, which later formed sentences that were typed into my computer. But the start of this story began way earlier.
The Beginning
It all began within the relationship between mother and daughter—the real, long-awaited (as long as eight years!) daughter born in hours of labor pains. Thisbegan a very special time in my life. A time full of anticipation for the first skin-to-skin contact, the first hug of my thumb with her little fingers, the first smile (it didn’t matter it was caused by drinking my mother’s milk).Thenit was the first common chatter and games, the first solid meal, the first word (it wouldn’t matter that this word was a definite “no”), the first steps, and all the next stages that every parent observes with fascination.
There were also some tough times: the first stay in the hospital, the tantrums and rebellions that included throwing everything everywhere, roaring every five minutes because of the “unknowns,” and the first punch to Mommy’s face (more for fun than for any particular reason).And like every parent, I had to face all the things they don’t show in commercials of follow-on milk or diapers.
Journey
It quickly became apparent that I was having an uphill struggle. I had absolutely no time for anything, not even to cook dinner or take a calming shower. My daughter was growing up; she was more and more independent but still consumed almost all of my time. She was very energetic, got bored quickly, was easily angered, and out of control. I was told “You need to get more organized.” I heard all sorts of great tips. “But, how?” I thought, clenching my teeth with rage. “After all, I am considered a fairly well-organized person, always with a plan in hand.”
Meanwhile, my psyche and house were in chaos and filth. It turned out that this was all for a reason. Today I know this was the SI disorder and hyperactivity that was giving my daughter a hard time, but her behavior was taking its toll on me.
I got really pissed off and decided that I had to do something or else would go crazy. I started with myself. I looked for parenting books and found Positive Discipline. I realized that my approach was not right and I should look for some alternative solutions. This was followed by the first observations of my child by specialists, diagnoses, and therapies later on. All this combined brought amazing results.
Understanding
It was then I realized that my child’s behavior was nothing more than the beauty of how the brain works. This realization brought some new opportunities—understanding the cause of my daughter’s behavior made me look for other creative solutions. It turned out that the stories I made up and the funny rhymes I used (which often didn’t rhyme at all) allowed me to tame my child’s emotions and find solutions in a peaceful manner without any imposition, anger, or irritation. Creativity may very much come in handy when bringing up a child!
It is not always peachy, rather it is often tough, but in the back of my mind I always remember that it is our abilities, temperament, and experiences that determine our behavior. It is perfectly normal for someone to have a bad day and children also have the right to their feelings and a different opinion. Sometimes I run off to walk the dog so that I don’t lose it in this madhouse I call family. I also fight for some space for myself becausewithout it, it would be pretty hard to have balance.
The Birth
The story of Julie and Wooly was born during one of many bedtime stories after an extremely hard day and a particularly nasty tantrum from my daughter. In the evening, when the emotions subsided, I came up with an idea of how to show my child what anger is. I then told the story of a little girl and how she dealt with this feeling. Once, when the little girl in the story was angry, a black thread appeared. The girl grabbed it in her hand and began to roll it into a ball. The thread represented the girl’s anger. As she was rolling it into a ball, she was slowly forgetting her anger as she was so focused on the activity itself. The thread led to a ball—a bundle of nerves. This is how the idea for the Wooly came to life, as the Woolyrepresents a child’s tame emotions.
That was the beginning of the story. A story about respecting one’s own feelings and the child as they are with all their faults and qualities, temperament, abilities, and boundaries. It’s a story about understanding emotions and attempting to deal with them in one’s own way.
I hope that the adventures of Julie and Wooly will be of use to you and your child. I am fully convinced that when your child becomes friends with their emotions, they better understand themselves, and you will be able to work together to find solutions to everyday and uncommon problems while building respectful and understanding relationships.
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